#30in30 '14, Day 12: Trust Exercise (The Theme Music)

I saw the light in my darkest moment
God told me to keep going
And I was like, "Why? Haven't I been through enough?"
He said, "I built you to be tough
I built you to be strong
Now, just trust me and hold on"

The mind is a terrible thing to waste
but it ain't a terrible thing to pray
When it seems things ain't going your way,
it's been a month's worth of "it just ain't my days"
Sometimes you gotta hand over the keys
and let Him back in the driver's seat

The fear of failure used to get me bad
Forgot what happy was, all the time I spent being sad
to say nothing of how quick I was to get mad
Short temper, I used to be able to control it
Money, I used to be able to hold it
Suddenly, everything was slipping out of my fingers
Not even shades of what I had would linger
And I was like, "Well, what'd you give me all of this for
If I had it one minute and then the next it disappears?"
And that's how I carried my life,
being mad at my Creator for a couple years

It's funny because the more I tried to keep my distance,
the more God kept showing me how much I need Him
I racked my brain searching for the reasons
Whole time, He was showing me that things come in seasons
I was like, "If I'm supposed to have it, why don't you give it to me?"
and He insisted, "Oh, it's coming - just be patient with me"
And I was mad because He lacked my sense of urgency
When really, He saw through the desperation in my pleas
"If I follow you, why you denying me?" I dared to ask
"You say I'm blessed, so why you trying me?" I put Him on blast
and He had every right to let me go
for taking it personal every time he told me "No"

But I get it now - it was a tough lesson
I thank God He was patient with my stubbornness til I got the message
He knew I'd abuse it if it came too soon
that's why He gave me and my dreams breathing room
I wondered why I was always fighting sleep
I doubted His arms would be waiting when I took that leap
But this faith thing, I'm learning, is a trust exercise
and all I can do is thank Him for opening my eyes
before it was too late.