#30in30 2020, Day 6 - Please Don't Quit On Me

Always thought I was careful
Never made mistakes
Always stayed optimistic
Never lost the faith
Tried to stay out of trouble,
Never lost my way
Stayed on the straight and narrow
Never thought I'd see the day

Then it happened
I failed
I let my people down
Carried myself like a king forever
then I fell and lost my crown

Said it wouldn't happen again
Shouldn't have happened to begin with
Thought I was better than that
Now I'm like "I guess everybody sins"
I remember when they believed in me
Now I wonder what they believe now?
Because now that I’ve messed up,
If they loved me before, they won’t again

I'm really sorry
But it won't count
This is the consequence
I took a hell of a loss and now
it's like I never had a win

#30in30 2020, Day 5 - Worst Kept Secret

Everybody sees it
So why can't you?
Got all my people asking me
when it is I'm gonna ask you
Silly old me
Thinking it was obviously
Steady holding my tongue
But telling on myself the same
The way I say your name
Eyes light up when you walk by
Can practically hear everybody saying
"Stop being so shy"
But how am I?
Feeling like the actions
are everything I need to say
Keep trying to be more impressive
So I can make a good impression
And get that excited expression
From you, that you give to me
Staying a little longer on the phone
Hugging you closer than most
The way I take your hand
And you still don't understand
Everybody seems to know
how I feel about you
but you

#30in30 2020, Day 4 - Blanks

So this how we treating the people
we claim to love now?
You were calling me "baby"
Now you calling me crazy
So where is the love now?
The hard times, you said we'd go through
The rough patch, promised we'd grow through
Said I'd never quit, said I'd fight for you
but when the fighting came,
this is what you do
You blame me, take no ownership
We should talk it out but you run away
What happened to "No matter what, I'll stay?"
Everything changed when we ain't agree
If love is blind, you lost sight of me
I never wavered
I meant what I said
I imagined this so differently in my head
Even in the darkness, I would never leave
And yet here you are - leaving me!
Not a soldier but I'd go to war for you
Whatever would save us, I'd gladly do
But you
but you
You fight for what you're passionate about
But you won't fight for us
If you love me for real,
why is it so easy for you to just give up?

#30in30 2020, Day 3 - I Wish I Had More Time

Feels like I'm running out of time
like my window is closing
getting smaller way too fast
And I'm just trying
to make it count before it's all over
Why can't I
make things slow down just enough
for me to catch up?
I wish I had the power to change
I wish I had the words to say
to make up every day
that I wasted, trying to chase it
Giving my time to fools
and telling myself that
my dreams too large
Maybe my ambition's too small
The realist in me is like
man, you can't have it all
But the believer in me is like
you'll never know what it means to win
if you're too afraid to fall
I turned 34 three months ago
but when I blink, I'll be 35
In two weeks, I'll be 40
and it'll all have gone by so fast
Please just give me more time
to get it right
I'm trying - don't leave me behind

#30in30 2020, Day 2 - Can't Buy Your Love

You said they can't buy your love
But we both know that's a lie, love
All they gotta do is name the right price
To buy their way into your life
We know this talk about morals
Goes out the window
That integrity shit sounds good to you
But it's a story to me
I've seen it - call me a witness
If the money long enough
Darling, it makes all the difference
You'll act different
Adjust all of your moves
And who would blame you?
The bills won't pay themselves
These boys, though?
They might play themselves
Clambering, damn near begging
for a second look
If only they had a bigger checkbook
Ain't no use to complain -
That's just the nature of the game
Just be honest with it, ain't no shame
Come on - tell me how much your heart worth
Who really wants love
when you can just get paid?

#30in30 2020, Day 1 - The Opposite

I wonder if you could finally see
Me for me
If I weren't me
I have struggled to accept who I am
For so long
But my standard of measurement
Has often been the people around me
What I have learned in my experiences
Is that the lady who catches my eye
Ordinarily looks the other way
And I understand why
I don't like it
But I have grown accustomed to being
The Plan B
And maybe if I was the opposite of me,
You would realistically see yourself with me
Instead of literally see through me

#30in30 2019, Day 14: Weak Spot

You just needed to know that
you could still get under my skin
Not that I thought the worst of you
Foolishly, I tend to see
the best in everyone
But you always find a way
to throw me off my game

In my head, I believed that you
took a sort of pleasure in it
Savored me second-guessing
Enjoyed pushing my buttons
And I hate it
I hate that, even when
I don't want you to know,
you know

I always keep my composure
But it terrifies me
That you have all the ammunition
if anyone ever wanted to open fire on me